This Mountain I must climb

                             This Mountain I Must Climb

 I can't do anything, I'm being smothered by these walls as they close around me. I've lost all my hopes and dreams, self-esteem, self-worth, all I have now is an emptiness that can not be filled.

I stopped going to the psychiatrist because I was agoraphobic, it was impossible for me to venture outside the home. I relied solely on my husband Joe for everything. For 2 years, I couldn't even walk down the street, getting the mail would send me into a full blown panic attack, so eventually, I started to avoid anything that would make me uncomfortable. There were a lot of people who just didn't understand what was going on with me, I was told to pull up my socks, to just get over it, and that I was just making it up.

 Cognitive behavioral therapy was introduced by my therapist who came to visit me at home, on a weekly basis.  A very important part of recovery is to change the way you think about anxiety and panic attacks. One of the main reasons people become agoraphobic is they fear the fear of having another panic attack. I was taught how to replace my catastrophic thoughts with more realistic thoughts, and to effectively manage my anxiety and panic attacks without being afraid. This didn't come easily, my negative thoughts were so embedded in my brain, that it took a lot of trials before I applied any of it on a regular basis. Every failed attempt brought me further into the darkness that I just stopped trying.  My life was spiraling out of control, and down I went into the depths. 

During this darkness, I found the light with Jesus Christ. I read the scripture, found comfort in knowing that God had a plan for me, I didn't know what that plan was, I just knew that I had to have faith. I read the bible everyday, my faith grew, my way of thinking started to change, and I was ready to take my life back. I knew that God was in control, and that he would never leave me. Later, when I recovered, I got a tattoo that reminds me everyday of His love.

My journey to recovery was about to begin.

  

Agoraphobia and Cognitive Therapy Involves You In Your Recovery

With cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), there will be a great deal of involvement and activity on your part.

You'll be given notes, forms to fill, certain assignments/homework as part of this therapy, all with the goal of getting back to how you used to be before agoraphobia disrupted your life.

You will be challenged to move outside your comfort level and slowly try different experiences as part of helping you progress.

Some people improve quickly, others take longer, but the success rate is very high, so stay positive, because you too can do this 

 .

Michael Craig Miller Michael Craig Miller; Harvard Mental Health Letter. "What is agoraphobia ; Treatment can alleviate this fear of public places." Chicago Tribune. 17 Jul. 2011.

Wright, Jesse H; Wright, Andrew S; Albano, Anne Marie; Basco, Monica R; Et al. "Computer-Assisted Cognitive Therapy for Depression: Maintaining Efficacy While Reducing Therapist Time." American Journal of Psychiatry 6(2005). 

I applied everything I learned to my recovery. It wasn't easy, and it took years of practice. Eventually I was able to walk down the street, then around the block. I remember Joe taking me for a drive, I felt anxious, and had several panic attacks, but I wanted to reach my destination, my goal. When we arrived at my favourite store, I was so lost in my thoughts, that it took everything I had to get out of the car. I ran to the door, touched it, and went right back to the car and we proceeded to go home. I felt so liberated, so strong, and so happy. I was on my way !

Watch for me tommorow on

OWN Canada: Oprah Winfrey Network

Sunday, January 6th at 8 p.m