The Million Dollar Neighbourhood, episode one

In case you missed the first episode of the million dollar neighbourhood, i've added a link. 

Million Dollar Neighbourhood - "Lighten Up" (Season 2, Episode 1)

Families purge their unnecessary items at a gigantic garage sale and learn what life is like with their credit cards locked up.

 http://ownca.oprah.com/Shows/Million-Dollar-Neighbourhood/Video.aspx?vid=2083733333001

I will go talk about the details, what I was thinking, and about some of the other participants. enjoy!

Million Dollar Perspective: All Things Beautiful

Million Dollar Perspective: All Things Beautiful

All Things Beautiful

I'm having a rather blah day, no energy, feeling kind of blue, and empty. Instead of concentrating on the negative, I've decided that for today, I will look at things that bring me hope and happiness. All things beautiful.   

I was asked once what I would do if I didn't suffer from depression, anxiety, or panic attacks. I can't imagine what it would be like living without fear, but I can envision how amazing life would be. 

I would love waking up each morning feeling calm

walk on the beach, and feel the sand between my toes

have more surprise parties, because lets face it, who doesn't like a good party

Appreciate the little things

No matter what, blowing out candles, capturing a wish, finding a penny, I always wish for the same thing, peace, and freedom from fear. For today, I would like to capture those wishes and save them for a better day.

I will take time to relax and do things just for me

Go for a walk and just breathe

Listen to music and feel the words, sing and dance like no one's watching

Today, I will take one day at a time and enjoy the present

I will not worry about tomorrow, but dream of it instead

The places I will go, like my home town of Amsterdam

I will be selfish and take what I need 

appreciate the rain

Take the road less traveled

and never look back

Today, I need to just take one day at a time

and today, I have to realize that we each have our struggles, and that I'm never alone

and just for today, I will dream of a better tomorrow 

accomplish what I can today, even if it's walking the dogs

Because today I have chosen to take a risk, and see things beautiful

and I hope you know, that no matter how you feel, or think about yourself

because you are beautiful

Every second of every day......

Every second of every day, I suffer from Anxiety 

I was diagnosed with major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks with agoraphobia seven years ago. Just recently, I received the diagnosis of bipolar 2. This didn't surprise me as my moods would fluctuate from extreme highs to extreme lows. I would go days without sleep, high energy, and excessive shopping, to days when I didn't have the energy to even get out of bed. If I did decide to get out of bed, I would spend the day sitting on the couch, not wanting to see anyone or go anywhere.

Bipolar 2 is a little different from bipolar 1, where the up moods never reach mania, it's  are called hypo-mania. Most people, like myself, also suffer from depression (manic depression), anxiety, or panic attacks. When I go through periods of hyper-mania, it's like my thoughts are bouncing around in my head, I'll even say to Joe that I can't get my brain to stop, and it's difficult concentrating on a single thought, my speech becomes rapid, and I have lots of energy. I welcome the energy though because I manage to get so much done around the house, but I also go days without sleep. I'll go to bed, but I toss and turn and just get up again, It frustrates me, and I desperately long for sleep. Joe will wake at 5 a.m to go to work and would often find me wide awake, this will usually last a few days, and then I crash.  

Anxiety, oh how I wish you would go away, every second of every day I'm in a constant state of anxiety, to the point where my doctor has suggested that I suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome. A person can only go through this state for short periods of time before it starts affecting your everyday life. It's exhausting! I always feel a tightness in my chest, like something bad is going to happen, and I tend to breath from my upper chest resulting in a shortness of breath. I have so much tension around my neck and upper back that I wake up with aches and pains, but I just can't relax or let go, even when I wake up in the morning, my hands are clenched, and my jaw is tight , I feel restless throughout the day, and often find that my hands tremble. 

                                     Medication, how I wish I didn't have to take them 

I'm on so much medication that I sometimes feel overwhelmed. I have pills for anxiety, for depression, panic attacks, sleep, and now for bipolar. Every time I receive a new prescription, either because I'm not coping or because they need to change it around, I research them by talking to my doctor, pharmacist, and the internet. I want to know every side effect, long term effects, and what they are for. Since my diagnosis of bipolar, I have to get off the ssri's. 

The week before Christmas, I took my last pill for depression but went into discontinuation withdrawal. This doesn't happen to everyone, but it happened to me. I was okay the first day, and thinking that this is going to be a piece of cake, oh how wrong I was. The second day off my medication, I started with dizziness, blurred vision, electric shocks throughout my body, especially my face, disorientation, sweats, chills, and just feeling crappy.  I didn't realize at first that I was going through withdrawal, but it became clear after a few days.  I went to see my doctor who confirmed my suspicions, and she quickly put me back on the ssri's and put me on a 9 week plan to get off them. So this is my 4th week, and I'm scared that I'll go through withdrawal anyway after the 9th week. But I'm trying to stay optimistic and take one day at a time.

Since I started my new medication for Bipolar, I've become very agitated, usually after 6 p.m. I just don't know what to do with myself, I could just pull my hair out, it's such an uncomfortable feeling, and very frustrating to say the least. I've met with my psychiatrist and psychotherapist who both suggested that I take my anxiety medication to help ease this problem. More pills, really?

Time on  ---------------- when people have Agitation  

	< 1 month	1 - 6 months	6 - 12 months	1 - 2 years	2 - 5 years	5 - 10 years	10+ years
Agitation	56.00%	26.00%	10.00%	2.00%	4.00%	2.00%	0.00%

Gender of people who have Agitation when taking---------------------

	Female	Male
Agitation	58.17%	41.83%

http://www.ehealthme.com

I'm not disclosing the names of the medications I'm taking, your doctor will determine what is best for you.

I have a great belief system, that if God brings you too it, He will get you through it. I've never said "why me?" I've always believed that God knows exactly what He's doing, so I ask God, "just show me what I'm meant to do with this" I've always been very open about my condition because I want people to become aware of mental illness, and often come across those suffering in silence. They just don't know who to turn to because there is still such a stigma about mental illness. When this happens, I know this is the plan for me, and that God is working in my life.

If I can help one person through this, then I am complete and accept my path. I have a great support system, Joe is my biggest supporter, along with my family, including my Mom, sisters, pastors from my Baptist Church, and friends. God however, is my rock! I know, without a doubt, that He is with me always, so I'm not afraid, I have a story to tell, so I'm just following His lead. 

Even in my weakest moments, I know that Jesus Christ is carrying me through it. I also believe that I was meant too be on the Million Dollar Neighbourhood in order to tell my story. I pray that someone watching will find strength and hope to carry on their journey.

             So when I'm feeling down, I look up, pray for strength, and carry on.

Million Dollar Neighbourhood premier

Tonight was the premier of our show, the Million Dollar Neighbourhood, featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network Canada. It is a 10 week reality series, featuring 100 families who are trying to increase their net worth by $1,000,000. Each episode is an hour long, and challenging to say the least. Our lives become public, our financial struggles  and personal lives are an open book. Our lives are exposed in order for us to change the way we look at things.

Prior to filming, I talked to my Psychotherapist about joining this reality series, his views were quite concerning, and thought I would get worse before the end of taping, and didn't recommend it. I went against his recommendation and decided that my story could help others understand what someone with major depression, anxiety, and panic disorder goes through on a daily basis. I also thought that I could help others who were going through the same thing, a different perspective, give them some hope for tomorrow, courage to go on, and a future with possibilities. 

If you miss an episode, don't worry, there are repeats throughout the week.

 A few of us met up this evening to watch the premier. The show airs each Sunday on the OWN network at 8 p.m

The Good  (getting out of debt) Sale

On the first episode on the Million Dollar Neighbourhood, 100 families are given the challenge by first taking our credit cards and putting them into a safety deposit box. We were not allowed to use our cards for the duration of the show, and would have to answer to our money monitor (another participant) if we used them. This was particularly difficult for me as I use my my cards as a crutch, as a diagnosed shopaholic, spending money on my card was easy. I wasn't using physical cash, so it didn't hurt as much. Using a credit card felt like I wasn't paying for anything at all. At one point in my life, I managed to get $60,000 in debt, simply by using credit cards. I went for credit counselling, and consolidated my debt. It took 7 years, without credit, to pay them back. When I finally payed everything back, it took a while before a bank allowed me another card, but I did eventually get new ones.  I would go on shopping binges, buying designer handbags, clothing, and household items I didn't need. As a result, I put another $12,000 on credit, and finally realized I needed help. 

 Not using my card allowed me to see the damage I was creating, and how this impacted my family.

We were also given the challenge of earning $100,000 collectively by selling items in our home that we didn't need in the Good (getting out of debt) sale. Our host, Dr.Joti Samra, came to our home and asked me to sell my handbags, among other things. I was hesitant at first because they were like my trophies, each represented a time of freedom from my fears, and each had a story to tell, a time that allowed me to get out of my home. I began to realize that the handbags were just things, and that is was me who had the story, and me who had the strength and courage to go out of my comfort zone.  During filming, I experienced many panic attacks, not because they wanted to sell my bags, but because I was giving a part of myself that I felt I could control. Shopping gave me a sense of power and control, something I lost during my illness. It was through Dr. Joti Samra's  encouragement and expertise, that I was able to complete this task by bringing in over $1200. during the good sale.

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        Dr. Joti Samra

During the Good Sale, I had a difficult time, there were so many people! It was like I was living my worst nightmare. Although I had my Mom, sisters, Son, and Joe with me for support, I just felt so alone. The people were just walking by me like a blur, I couldn't take it anymore, and tried to find a place to collect myself. I was sitting under a tree, having a major panic attack when all of a sudden, I was surrounded by camera's, directors, and crew, capturing my fear. Joe is very protective of me, and asked them to stop filming. However, I felt it necessary for them to capture it in order to bring this illness to light, to make it real for the viewers. Remember, my purpose and intention for this show was to help others with the same condition, to bring awareness, and to help families with those suffering from depression, anxiety, and panic attacks understand what someone goes through. Joe was talking me through it, and our host Preet Banerjee was there, asking me what was happening. On television, you here Preet telling me to take all the time I need. What you don't see is the encouraging words, concern, and understanding he showed me, Preet stayed with me for quite some time (that part is on the editing floor)  before telling me to take all the time I needed. 

                                          

Preet Banerjee

The first episode was a success, we made our goal of $100,000 and one family, Michelle and Tony Morrison, were awarded with $10,000.

Here are some never before seen, candid shots form the good sale.

The directors, James, Jeanette, and Kim

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Helloooooooooo

Tune in next Sunday at 8 p.m to see episode 2 from the Million Dollar Neighbourhood. Will we make it for another week? What is our next challenge? Watch and find out!